Monday, May 21, 2012

Scheduling Intimacy

A link in my twitter feed this weekend led me to this post from Advocatus Diaboli.

He says: 
If you are scheduling something, it is almost guaranteed to be a chore.
Taking your garbage out on time, vacuuming your house regularly or doing laundry on a schedule is a chore not a need. We are talking about stuff that nobody really wants to do, or is strictly necessary at that moment, but performed for satisfying imaginary social expectations.
 To which I say: bullshit!

Healthy adult human beings schedule a lot of things that are not chores. We schedule special events like birthday parties and attending concerts. We schedule recreational activities like rock climbing or poker nights. We schedule vacations and weekend getaways.

Don't get me wrong; I'm completely in favor of unscheduled, spontaneous sex. And surprising the wife is always fun... but even that takes planning and preparation. (For the ultimate example of this, read Ian Ironwood's series on the ultimate Red Pill date.)

I have a successful career. I'm also finishing my college degree, learning to play the guitar, and this summer I'm taking a welding class at the local community college.

My wife is equally busy. She also has a successful career, and hers involves a significant amount of out of town travel. She's also an officer in a professional organization.

We have to schedule intimacy; it's the only way it's going to happen. Or at least, it's the only way it's going to happen as often as we want it to.

In our life, there are basically two kinds of scheduled sex: maintenance sex, and OMG that was amazing sex. Maintenance sex is what Athol Kay refers to as Below Average Sex. (By definition, half of all sex is below average.) "OMG that was amazing" is anything that takes more planning than grabbing the lube and jumping into bed. Role playing, fetish play, B&D, anything that takes props, costumes, and significant time, is going to require some advance preparation. And if it's going to happen, we need to set aside some time for it.

All this is not to say that married professionals never have spontaneous sex. It happens, and when it does it's a wonderful thing. But scheduled sex is not comparable to taking out the garbage, either.

1 comment:

  1. I'm in the same boat as you, but sort of schedule on the fly for a day in advance type of thing.