Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Beta isn't bad

There's a common misconception that being Alpha is good, and being Beta is bad.

This is an oversimplification, at best. As an oversimplification it sort of works, because most men are too Beta so they need to add more Alpha. But as Athol Kay points out, what we all really need is a balance of both.

My wife had surgery a couple of weeks ago. So I've dialed the new Alpha way back, and cranked the Beta up to 11. Right now, she's unable to take care of herself at a very basic level. And she's in constant pain. What she really needs is someone to take care of her, so that's what I'm doing.

A couple of days ago I had just helped her with her bath, and was tucking her into bed, when she surprised me. "I love how you are taking care of me," she said. "It just further reinforces that I made the right decision."

I must have looked puzzled, because she explained: "I mean, to end the affair. To be with you. This is where I belong. No one has ever loved me like you do."


Of course, even Beta caregivers can score some Alpha cred. After her surgery, I took a couple of days off to stay with her. Then a friend spent a day with her, and her mom came over for a day. But the first day that she stayed alone while I was at work, I came home and found her feeling really bad. She had tried to do some housework, and had not taken her pain meds when she was supposed to.

"Get your butt in that bed right now. I'll be there in a minute." I went and got her pain meds and brought them to her in bed. "Take this. And no back talk, you need them." Then I made her dinner, we ate it in bed together, and watched a movie on TV.


  1. Try to think of this as a time to plant some serious long-term DHVs in her mind -- and you can do that in Beta as well as you can do Alpha. Just imagine how you'd look in her eyes if, for example, you couldn't do laundry without her oversight. Those Beta skills are key. Remember, Alpha gets you laid . . . Beta keeps you laid.

    A couple of bonus points:

    1) favorite magazines -- get them before she asks for them. It's thoughtful. Particularly the ones that have 40 WAYS TO MAKE HIM HOWL IN BED. Recovering from illness is an excellent time for research.

    2) Buy the good toilet paper. The kind that makes you think you're wiping your butt with angel's wings. She will love you that much more.

    3) If she's bored and cranky, try a board game instead of television. You get entertainment and interaction, which helps fulfill her inevitable need for additional supportive intimacy during this painful time. Television has the potential to bring up too many uncomfortable issues. She's got all this time to think about stuff -- make sure the stuff she's thinking about you is happy stuff. Besides, with board games you can play for future sexual favors, just to keep it interesting.

    Hope she feels better! It sounds like you have her well in hand. Glad things are working out.


  2. Balance is key and I'm not sure if you noticed or not, but you balanced it perfectly in your statement at the end.

    "Get your butt in that bed right now. I'll be there in a minute."

    Alpha to tell her to go to bed, Beta to take care of her.