Monday, March 26, 2012

Don't be a sorry guy

I ran across an idea a few weeks ago that had to do with using the words “I’m sorry.” I’ve been doing so much reading lately, that I’m not sure where I saw this. It might have been in Athol’s book, or it might have been one of the manosphere blogs, but I’m not sure.

I do know that since reading it, I’ve become acutely aware of how often I say the words “I’m sorry.” And most of the time, I haven’t done anything wrong. My wife is going through a long and painful recovery from surgery, so I have a lot of occasions to express sympathy and concern.

But there’s the rub. English being a compact language, most words have multiple meanings. Sure, one of the meanings of ‘sorry’ is “sympathetic,” or “compassionate.” But take a look at some of the other synonyms for sorry:

  • Remorseful
  • Regretful
  • Apologetic
  • Despicable
  • Pathetic
  • Contemptible
  • Disgraceful
  • Insignificant
  • Miserable
  • Vile
  • Worthless

If you keep telling your wife that you are pathetic and contemptible, how long do you think it will be before she starts to believe you?

Of course, there are times when no other term will do. When you screw up, admit it. Take the blame, apologize, do what you can to set things right, and move on. Sometimes, you do have to say you’re sorry, because life isn’t a 70’s novel.  

But apart from actual apologies, resolve now to banish the phrase “I’m sorry” from your vocabulary. Here are some other ways to express sympathy and compassion without claiming to be vile or disgraceful:

“I know this is very difficult for you.”

“We’re in this together. You are not alone.”

“This must be so painful for you.”

“How can I help?”

“I don’t know what to say, but I care.”

“That must be terrible.” 

“I can’t imagine that kind of pain.”

Also remember this: As a man, confronted with a problem, your instinct is to search for solutions. But most of the time, when your woman has a problem, she doesn’t want you to solve it. She just wants to know that you understand her, and that you care. If you immediately jump to offering solutions, she will likely interpret that as a lack of caring. Give her your emotional support first and foremost. 


  1. Excellent observation, Aleph. I once dated a woman for two years where I literally began every other sentence with "I'm sorry". Now I might apologize for the way in which I've said something, or an inadvertent display of anger . . . but I almost never apologize for what I might have said. Replacing "I'm sorry" with alternatives is a very wise Red Pill move.

    Some of my faves:

    (In response to a physical ailment):
    "That sucks for you. Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?"

    (In response to something afoul at work):
    "That bitch! Well, what goes around comes around." (works in 90% of cases)


    Damn, Baby! You're working too hard! (other 10%)

    (Child-raising issues)

    "Hey, I just wanted a blowjob, remember?"

    (Her-side-of-the-family issues)

    "And you say that my side is the crazy side!"

    (My-side-of-the-family issues)

    "Well you knew what you were getting into when you got married. It's too late to back out now."

    (Sex - rejection of an advance):

    "Hey, I was just trying to use the healing power of the penis, Baby. But I can see you're enjoying the stress, so I'll just go do something else while you sit there . . . enjoying the stress."

    (Sex - not reading her fucking mind)

    "You know, if you're going to start speaking to me telepathically, I'm morally obligated to respond in Klingon. And you know I will."
    (Sex - a rare poor performance):

    "Damn. I just had "Kids Bop" playing in my head, and it totally killed it. Gimmee a few minutes and put on some Blues . . ."


    "Accidental" Anal
    "Surprise Swallow"
    Ruining that shirt her mother gave you.
    Running over her cat.
    Getting you both kicked out of Devines (low-end sportsbar) for calling your ex a bitch loud enough to be heard in the next restaurant.
    Forgetting the "good toiletpaper" at the store.
    The Three Stooges.
    Drinking Mojitos with your mother-in-law and discussing your wife's teenage years, which is a clear violation of her privacy and an obvious attempt to create a united front against her.
    Forgetting the suitcase with her toiletries when on a week-end hotel sex trip.
    "March Madness" (after the fact)
    More than 5 anal titles in your porn collection.
    Using your private names for her genitalia in a public forum, even though TOTALLY no one knew what you were talking about except for her.

    Just a few. I'm sure there are mroe . . .

  2. I'm going to steal some of those from Ian.